Despite the fact that the last movie based on a popular and beloved Ubisoft video game starring a hunky protagonist in specific era of time that used a system wherein the protagonist could never truly die (You know … Prince of Persia?) didn’t really do so well at the box office, it looks like Ubisoft is giving it another go with Assassin’s Creed, which will star Michael Fassbender's giant dong. Slashfilm reports:
To do so, they’ve managed to land a guy who could make the project, based on the Assassin’s Creed games, nearly essential viewing. Michael Fassbender, the actor who can jump from serious stuff like Shame and Hunger to tentpoles such as X-Men: First Class and Prometheus, is going to produce and star in the film. There are two existing primary Assassin’s Creed games, with a third set for release this fall. They follow a man named Desmond Miles, but he isn’t really the primary character; rather, a bit of technology allows Desmond to relive “ancestral memories,” which throws the narrative of the first and second games back to the Crusades and Renaissance periods, respectively. (The third is set during the American Revolution.)
Personally, I don’t really see how Michael can convincingly play a mysterious, swarthy man whose known mainly for his large, thrusting appendages that emerge from their sheaths before plunging into others over and over and over and - oh, wait, never mind. I totally get it now. Carry on.
A couple weeks ago, Community aired one of its best episodes ever, Digital Estate Planning, which featured the cast as 8-bit characters in a video game world. Maybe it was the fact that it was loaded with video game references (including a hidden bit about Pokemon’s Missingno.) or that it featured Shirley unleashing her murderous bad-ass, or that it was just a well-written episode with an emotional backbone, but I loved it. And thanks to the magic of the internet, it’s now being turned into a full-fledged video game that you can play RIGHT NOW! YAY! The A/V Club reports:
Journey To The Center Of Hawkthorne is a downloadable, playable, incredibly faithful recreation of the 8-bit game seen in the episode, though it is still very much a work in progress. There are a multitude of characters to choose from, including Brittasaurus Rex and Constable Reggie, and three levels to explore—though there’s not much to do yet besides walk around (or if you play as Troy, jump around), cower at the pixelated visage of Cornelius Hawthorne, and stomp on hippies. You can download the most recent version here, for Windows, Mac OS, or Linux; the developer is putting out new releases at a fairly steady clip (fingers crossed for a Hilda patch soon!), and is currently looking for suggestions and/or coding assistance.
It’s currently at version 0.0.13, which I think means it’s not yet fully complete (I don’t speak computerese so well). That being said, if this ever gets turned into a full-fledged video game, I will be first in line to pay good money for it.
With each new installment, the world of The Sims gradually moves from “Deep, philosophical meditation upon the intrinsic value of a human being as judged by an uncaring creator” too “CLOWNS! BURNING CLOWNS EVERYWHERE! AAAAAAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!” Seriously, I remember playing the first game and being endlessly bored with it, then playing the latest release just to see what would happen if I put ten clowns into an escape-less room with a bunch of faulty ovens. Hilarity ensued! Anyway, in a new expansion pack of The Sims 3, Katy Perry will now be a playable avatar, which I guess is great if you ever wanted to see Katy’s pixelated boobs and bikini-area. MTV reports:
Finally, a reason for me to pay attention to video games! (No offense, much of the population.) The Sims 3: Showtime Katy Perry is the latest game from the Sims camp, and in it, players get to play in the game’s simulated world as Katy Perry herself. And for pretty much everyone on the planet, this is as close as we’re going to get.
Katy, who’s a Sims fan herself, said about her collaboration with the game, “It’s cool to see the Sims’ stage performances in the Sims 3 Showtime decked out just like my California Dreams Tour — even my cotton candy video screens are in there! I always like to think of myself as a cartoon, and now I’m a Sim!”
Which is all well and good I guess, until you remember that everyone I know who still actually plays The Sims does so for two reasons: Either to watch derpy-looking cartoons bump pixelated uglies with each other, or to stick them in a pool, remove the stairs to get them out, then watch their little surrogates die. But yeah, I’m sure putting a pop star in this world won’t turn out horribly wrong (and yet, horribly hilarious).
WHAT IS THIS I DON’T EVEN! The Black Eyed Peas have their own video game now. If that sentence doesn’t have you weeping in the corner while clutching an NES controller, you have nerves of steel my friend. Anyway, someone decided that it wasn’t enough for the Black Eyed Peas to ruin music, now the had to ruin gaming too! Which is why we now have this trailer for the new rhythm game. And you know what? I’m going to try and get a blurb on the box cover here: “The Black Eyed Peas is just like Portal 2! In that it’s the complete opposite of a great game and you will hate it.” Just to put it in perspective: I showed this trailer to my Xbox 360, and it red-ringed itself to escape the misery. And I really can’t blame it.