Posts tagged "Kristen Stewart"

Kristen Stewart is a Trampire!

On the chance you’ve never met a Twihard, the first thing you should know is that they are INSANE. Seriously, I have an inbox in my email just for angry Twihards calling me a dumb poop-head every time I make fun of their precious sparkly vampires. Yes, one of them actually called me a poop-head. Once again: They read Twilight. Literature is clearly not their strong suit. Anyway, it should be assumed that nothing is off limits to them; if you destroy the fantasy of Edward and Bella, you’re fair game. Even if you’re Kristen Stewart, the girl who portrayed Bella and dated Robert Pattinson until she banged one of her directors. Entertainment Weekly reports …

Since the public fascination doesn’t look to be dying down anytime soon, online retailer Skreened saw a publicity moment, and is now offering a T-shirt that reads, “Kristen Stewart is a Trampire.” To round out the unofficial “We Hate Kristen” collection, there’s also “Kristen Stewart F***ing Sucks” and “F*** Kristen Stewart,” which is, of course, reminiscent of the Team Aniston and Team Jolie shirts that made a pop culture splash in 2005 — with one huge difference. While the Team Aniston/Jolie shirts were pretty dumb, they weren’t personally bullying anyone. You were just weighing in on the tabloid frenzy of the moment. “F*** Kristen Stewart” sure has a different –and crueler — ring to it. In a culture that is now hyper-aware of the effects of bullying, it seems really wrong to torment a 22-year-old, regardless of her fame level or any mistakes she may have made.

Okay, yes, personally I think the t-shirts are a little more mean than they are clever, but it’s not like Kristen’s getting a bad rap for running with scissors or something: she was publicly caught cheating on her boyfriend with a married dad. That’s pretty wrong no matter how you cut it. That, and she’s the highest-paid actress in North America right now, so at least she has that $31 Million she made last year to cushion the hatred of a bunch of teenage girls getting way to obsessed over a crappy book.

Kristen Stewart

Bill Condon: Please respect Kristen Stewart!

It’s been a couple weeks since everyone found out that Kristen Stewart was totally biting on some married father’s lower lip behind Robert Pattinson's back, HOW COULD SHE BREAK EDWARD CULLEN'S HEART, HE LOVES YOU BELLA SWAN EVEN IF HE IS A BORDERLINE EMOTIONALLY AND PSYCHOLOGICALLY ABUSIVE VAMPIRE?! Ahem, sorry, I get caught up in books that glorify unhealthy relationships. Anyway, Bill Condon, the director of the upcoming final Twilight Saga movie was worried that this would put a damper on The Twilight Saga: Breaking Dawn: Part 2, so here he is trying to convince everyone to see it anyway, while showing the actors some respect. From HuffPo

Fans have turned on the actress after she confessed to a fling with her married Snow White & the Huntsman director Rupert Sanders. The big reveal appears to have ended her romance with Twilight co-star Pattinson.

And as the couple’s legion of followers attempt to deal with their own heartbreak about the break-up, filmmaker Condon is asking them to be as respectful to the former couple as Pattinson and Stewart have been to fans.

He tells Entertainment Weekly magazine, “The fact is, these are actors playing parts, and maybe it’s not such a bad thing that people be reminded of that.

"Both of these actors gave heart and soul to the Twilight movies, not only during shooting, but also by navigating so graciously the whole life-in-a-fishbowl aspect of the phenomenon.

"They have always shown great respect for the fans who made these movies such a success. Now it’s time that some of that respect be returned to them."

Wait, really? Because I think both of them went on the record bad-mouthing their characters in the Twilight Saga and coming clean that the relationship depicted in the series is grossly unhealthy, but they continue to show up in the movies and cash the paychecks. So yeah, tons of respect for their fans. Anyway, personally, if you’re not going to see the Twilight movie, don’t let it be because you can’t separate the actors from their characters; let it be because the movies are just not good.

Robert Pattinson and Kristen Stewart

Robert Pattinson to break his silence on ‘The Daily Show’

You know how you’ll watch The Daily Show because it’s almost like real news, but with less screaming angry people and more funny people being funny, but then you’ll sort of just tune out on the act three interview because I mean, you’re cultured but you’re not that cultured, am I right? Well, uncultured slobs, get ready to actually pay attention during the interview portion for once, because Jon Stewart will be interviewing Robert Pattinson this Monday, marking the first time Rob has talked to the media since his emotionless, lip-biting ex cheated on him with a married dad. EW reports …

Sorry, Good Morning America: You just got scooped by Jon Stewart. EW has confirmed that Monday’s episode of The Daily Show will feature a guest appearance by Robert Pattinson — the actor’s first talk show visit since the world learned his girlfriend, fellow Twilight star Kristen Stewart, had cheated on him with Snow White and the Huntsman director Rupert Sanders. Pattinson is also scheduled to appear on GMA on Aug. 15, two days after he chats up Stewart. In both appearances, Pattinson will be promoting Cosmopolis, David Cronenberg’s adaptation of Don DeLillo’s 2003 novel. The film will premiere in theaters Aug. 17. The actor previously visited The Daily Show in March 2010.

Honestly, if you’re going to come out and talk about how your were cheated on by Kristen Stewart, the best thing you could probably do is go and talk to a comedian about it, because God knows Jon will have, like, weapons-grade shade to throw all over that smug, whiny emo bitch. Seriously, remember that time he went after that insane guy from Mad Money? Are you telling me he can’t go in on K-Stew? She scammed millions out of us just by biting her lip! VENGEANCE WILL BE OURS!

Robert Pattinson

Kristen Stewart is stealing roles now?

As if it wasn’t enough that Kristen Stewart cheated on Robert Pattinson with that married with children dude who directed Snow White and the Huntsman, now she’s apparently stealing roles from other women too! Jennifer Lawrence, whose acting skills actually extend beyond biting lips, wanted the lead role in Lie Down In Darkness bad enough to write the director asking for the role. But instead, the role is going to Kristen, even though it doesn’t really have anything to do with her cheating scandal, we should all be angry about this just because the web told us to be. From HuffPo

Kristen Stewart enraged some Twi-hards when she admitted to having an affair with Snow White and the Huntsman director Rupert Sanders (“You were stupid enough to get photographed doing it!” said one irate fan), and now she might have Hunger Games devotees sharpening their pitchforks as well. According to Vulture, Stewart has landed the lead role in Lie Down in Darkness, Scott Cooper’s adaptation of William Styron’s 1951 novel. The problem? Hunger Games star Jennifer Lawrence wanted the same part so much that she tried to write Cooper (Crazy Heart) on her own behalf.

"I am obsessed with that part," Lawrence told W magazine. “I have this feeling of protectiveness over characters I want to play. I worry about them — if someone else gets the part, I’m afraid they won’t do it right; they’ll make the character a victim or they’ll make her a villain or they’ll just get it wrong somehow. I’m trying to write the director to convince him that I should be in his movie. I’ll chase him if I have to. I’ll sit outside his house.”

Granted, even though Jennifer is a far better actress (she was an Oscar nominee for Winter’s Bone) than Kristen and would probably have done a way better job, she never had the role to begin with, so it’s not like Kristen “stole” the role from her. That being said, at this point, it’s fair to assume that pretty much any other actress can pull off a better performance than Kristen’s monotone dribble method, so let’s see just how far her career goes after the whole Twilight saga comes to an end.

Kristen Stewart and Jennfier Lawrence

'Twilight' Producers: Let's pretend it didn't happen!

In light of Kristen Stewart cheating on Robert Pattinson with her director, who happened to be married himself with kids, the question on everyone’s mind was “What about The Twilight Saga: Breaking Dawn: Part 2 (November 16th)? WON’T SOMEONE PLEASE THINK ABOUT TWILIGHT?” Well, don’t worry, the movie is going to be fine. I mean, one relationship is already broken and another is essentially clinging to life, but at least the movie is still okay! From Entertainment Weekly

In an exclusive statement to EW, Summit’s president of worldwide marketing, Nancy Kirkpatrick says: “While it is studio policy not to comment on the personal lives of actors, Summit is moving full steam ahead and looking forward to this November’s opening of The Twilight Saga: Breaking Dawn – Part 2. We are confident that the film delivers amazing entertainment for our passionate fans and general audience alike.”

We talked to one super-fan, Mallory Proverbs, who says that while she’s heartbroken for Stewart and Pattinson (“It’s kind of tarnished the saga,”), she still plans to travel to Los Angeles for the premiere of the film. “There’s no way I’m not seeing this movie,” she says. “I guess the atmosphere is going to be different, but it won’t keep me from seeing it. I can’t wait, actually.”

"Yes, I can’t wait to see a movie that glorifies an abusive relationship, that stars a real-life couple that was broken apart by one of them cheating on the other with a man who was married with children! On a side-note, when I grow up, all my relationships will be unfulfilling and I’ll merely plod through life with a sense of missed opportunity. Thanks Twilight colon Breaking Dawn part 2!"

The Twilight Saga: Breaking Dawn: Part 2

Rob Pattinson and Kristen Stewart: CUSTODY BATTLE!

Generally speaking, if you cheat on your boyfriend, very publicly, with an older married man, it’s best if you just sort of lay low, make some sacrifices, and hope that teenage girls who confused unhealthy obsession with love don’t try and assassinate you for breaking the heart of a fictional character. Those Twi-Hards are really quite terrifying. But now come the reports that Kristen Stewart and Robert Pattinson are fighting for custody of their dog, Bear. Via RadarOnline

“After Rob moved his things out of their Los Angeles home, he then told Kristen he wanted Bear,” an insider said. “She was heartbroken – they adopted Bear together and she always felt that he was their little baby. But Rob was so hurt by Kristen’s actions he decided that he wants the dog to help him get over what happened. After all, a dog is a man’s best friend and Bear is such a good companion. However, Kristen won’t give up Bear in a hurry. She helped Rob save Bear from Parvo disease, which nearly took its life when it was a puppy. She wants joint custody – and it could get a little messy,” the insider revealed.

First off: OMG THAT DOG IS SO CUTE. Now where was I? Oh, yes: Just let Rob keep the dog. Look, Kristen, let’s face it: you cheated on your very rich and famous boyfriend in public. Right now, you might want to do whatever you can to help recoup your image, because it’s not like you can win back audiences with your dazzling talent, unless they give Oscars out for “Best Lip-Biting in a Crap Movie The Glorifies Abusive Relationships.”

Robert Pattinson, Kristen Stewart and Bear

Robert Pattinson kicked Kristen Stewart out?

Last week, it was revealed that Kristen Stewart was cheating on Robert Pattinson with the Rupert Sanders, the married director of Snow White and the Huntsman. Also revealed: Kristen and Robert were dating. Who knew? Anyway, in the wake of the scandal, certain sources claimed that Rob moved out of their house, except it was actually the complete opposite: he just kicked Kristen straight to the curb, probably where she belongs according to Edward Cullen stans. People reports:

Robert Pattinson has asked Kristen Stewart to move out. A source tells People that the actor, who has been staying out of sight since leaving the home he shares with Stewart in Los Angeles, recently asked her to remove her belongings from the house. And early Saturday morning, a moving truck was spotted doing just that.

Awwww, poor Kristen, she looks so sad … or maybe she’s angry. Hungry? Constipated? Elated? Honestly, it’s kind of hard to tell with her. All right Kristen, bite your lower lip three times for sad, four times for happy, five times for thirsty, and six times for I totally messed it all up!

Robert Pattinson and Kristen Stewart

People want to see Kristen Stewart dead!

When dealing with teenagers, it’s important to remember that the vast majority of them are idiots. It also helps to remember that Twi-hard teenagers are even bigger idiots. So of course, after Kristen Stewart publicly admitted that she cheated on Robert Pattinson, Twitter immediately blew up with death threats and suicide wishes aimed at Kristen because she broke Rob’s vaguely pretty, sparkly heart. Jezebel reports:

In this case, the tweens have chosen Rob. He was the one who was cheated on and, besides, it’s Team Edward that’s printed across the asses of their underwear and not Team Bella. They are angry, they are dismayed, they are betrayed and, as is their tween way, they have taken to Twitter to say some seriously stupid shit. Some used their Twitter accounts to issue explicit death threats. Others didn’t want the blood on their own hands, but didn’t mind the idea of blood on their consciences. They simply planted the idea that Kristen, who is only 22 years old and made a mistake that she’s no doubt already paying for, should commit suicide. How Shakespearean of them.

Look, I’m by no means a proponent of cheating, but death seems like a bit of a harsh punishment for cheating on your boyfriend. Then again, I am an old jaded a-hole who doesn’t understand how precious meaningful a teenager’s love for Edward Cullen is, even though he is fictitious, and they don’t even personally know the guy who plays him. I’m sure that imaginary relationship would have ended well for everyone involved.

Kristen Stewart

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