Ugh: Kim Kardashian channels Diana Ross
Diana Ross is one of the most renowned singers in the world, is considered a pioneer of Motown, and managed to become a star back when America was still heavily segregated. Kim Kardashian got peed on and now cameras follow her around. Keep that in mind as you read this story about how Kim dressed up as Diana for attention. Us Weekly reports …
The 31-year-old Keeping Up With the Kardashians star shared nearly unrecognizable photos of herself Thursday with behind the scenes snapshots from her new photo shoot with photographer and director Hype Williams. “Clyde Haygood and Joyce Bonelli glammed me up and we went for a fun, crazy look, channeling Diana Ross,” she wrote on her website. “Definitely a new look for me. Xo” In the photos, Kardashian styles super long lashes, bright pink cheeks, pale pink lips, big hoop earrings and a huge curly wig to summon the legendary Supremes singer, now 68.
Really? Unrecognizable? You put some makeup on Kim’s weird, stretched-out cat face, she’s not exactly a master of disguise here. Second, is it kind of telling that Kim keeps emulating people who are actually famous and talented? I’m just saying, if she actually had any talent to speak of, she probably wouldn’t spend time trying to compare herself to talented people who are actually likeable.
Kim Kardashian had a threesome with a pornstar?
While I have every reason to believe that this story was a plant by Kris Jenner because getting attention at all costs is what she puts down on her taxes as her profession, I’m going to run this story about porn veteran Julian St. Jox — No, I don’t know who he is either — claiming that he had threeway sex with Kim Kardashian and his girlfriend because you guys flock to these stories like hummingbirds to a feeder full of sugar water. Only in this case, the sugar water is famous people banging. I’m good at similes! The Daily Mail reports …
St. Jox said: ‘As soon as Kim walked in, everyone was looking. She wasn’t known at the time at all, not like today, but for everyone who frequented these parties, she was interesting because she was a new face.’ The pornstar said his date - Emily Ann - took a liking to Kim and propositioned her. After some dirty dancing, Kim and her date joined the two pornstars in a private room later in the evening, the magazine claims. There, Kim apparently had sex with both St. Jox and Ann, the publication reports. ‘She knew what she was doing. She was very responsive to me’, St. Jox recalled. However a representative for Kim told MailOnline the report is ‘absurd and not true’.
One one hand, part of me totally believes this because … well, St. Jox is black, so it’s inconceivable that Kim WOULDN’T have sex with him. On the other hand, not once has he mentioned that he peed on Kim and that Kris recorded the whole thing, so right there the story loses any and all credibility.
Myla Sinanaj is ready to talk Kim Kardashian
You know, sometimes it’s just good to hear it from someone other than yourself. Anyway, it turns out Kris Humphries’ ex-girlfriend, Myla Sinanaj, is going to sit for a deposition in Kim Kardashian’s divorce case (I have no idea why, just go with it). The sad thing is, the entire case would be open and shut with eight magical words: “She did it for a reality TV show.” BOOM. Done. TMZ reports …
TMZ has learned … Myla is telling friends she will testify that Kris repeatedly told her Kim defrauded him in the marriage, grousing that he “got played.” Kris is fighting the divorce, insisting on an annulment based on fraud. Kris claims Kim never loved him and married him only to spike ratings on her reality show. Myla says Kris — who made hundreds of thousands of dollars off Keeping Up with the Kardashians as well as the wedding special — “hated the cameras and his life being on display.” Myla is telling friends her relationship with Kris is “dead,” so she has nothing to lose by telling the truth, and therefore she will be “100% honest” in answering questions during the depo.
No, seriously, why are they turning this into drama? Kim created a big fake sham wedding and got rich off of it. Creating big fake sham things and getting rich off of them is kind of the Kardashians’ business plan. Hell, I’m pretty sure they have that printed in bold letters across the top of their stationary. If you pull the string on a Kardashian brand doll, it says “I create big fake sham things and you buy them you moron!” I don’t know what else she needs to do before this becomes any clearer.
PS Today would have marked Kim and Kris’ one-year wedding anniversary, my how things change!
50 Cent thinks Kim Kardashian is trash!
A few years back, 50 Cent was just a random rapper who occasionally released decent songs and surprisingly not-terrible video games featuring himself performing acts of wish-fulfilment. Except then someone made Twitter and 50 realized he can say whatever he wants and people will laugh, and then he became infinitely more awesome. And now he’s taking it to the next level, going on the record to call Kim Kardashian trash, which is kind of the new best thing ever. From VH1 …
“I mean … if that man feel like she’s perfect, then she’s perfect. He could mean it and you’ll end up singing the words to it because he’s Kanye,” Fiddy told XXL Magazine about Yeezy’s lady Kim, adding, “You know how it is? One man’s trash is another man’s treasure.” Ouch! That’s an intense burn, 50 Cent! We guess the man did date Chelsea Handler. Have there been any studies to determine if perfect comedic timing can be sexually transmitted?
All right, Fifty… Fiddy? Is it Fifty or Fiddy? I can never pronounce this right. Phonics was the one thing I could never successfully get hooked on. Anyway, I’m willing to extend to you a gift in exchange for your calling Kim the trash she is, I’m giving you a voucher for one free mindlessly catchy song that will be played to death on every radio station and club. You can release one and I won’t get annoyed with you. “Sure this song is way overplayed for how good it is, but he did call Kim trash, so … yeah. Totally.”
So Kris Jenner didn’t sell Kim Kardashian’s sex tape?
Last week, rumors circulated that Kris Jenner sold Kim Kardashian’s infamous sex tape to Vivid Entertainment, which … d’uh. Honestly, if this turns out to be true, it would probably be the least surprising thing I’ve ever heard. “Kris sold Kim’s sex tape. Huh. Yeah, I can see that. This mayonnaise has 25% less fat than the leading brand? WITCHCRAFT!” Well, now Vivid is rebuking the claims, saying that Kris would never do something that totally fits into her wheelhouse. Via The Examiner …
Vivid Entertainment, the company that released the Kardashian video in 2007, has come forward to state that Jenner had no hand whatsoever in pushing the X-rated clip. According to a follow-up story by Celebuzz on Friday, August 10th, Vivid is setting the record straight. “Every so often someone comes out with a bogus story about Kim’s sex tape,” claimed Steven Hirsch, founder and co-CEO of Vivid Entertainment. “Let me be perfectly clear, Kris Jenner had absolutely nothing to do with the deal and ultimate distribution of Kim Kardashian, Superstar. To suggest anything different is both ridiculous and irresponsible, period.”
No, of course Kris didn’t sell the tapes. She just let Kim walk into Vivid Entertainment, sign page after page of release forms that would allow them to legally put the tape on the consumer market, provide them with two pieces of valid government issue I.D., and then allow the entire family to profit off the sex tape which could have been easily buried at the time using the family’s already existing bank account and lawyers because this was back before Kim was even remotely noteworthy. But selling it? Now that would be just wrong.
The Kardashians have a line of eyeglasses now
When you think of the Kardashian family, you think of An unwarranted sense of self-importance Fashion with an unshakeable sense of grossness to it Urine glamour apparently, because they keep putting out gaudy animal print garbage and people keep buying it. Anyway, the Kardashians have unveiled a new line of merchandise they probably had no input on: eyeglasses! All of a sudden, going through life without 20/20 vision seems like a viable option, doesn’t it? E! Online reports …
Now, what else could the Kardashian sisters provide for our already leopardy wardrobes? How about … eyeglasses? Yep, that’s Khloé, Kourtney and Kim Kardashian in a brand-new—and perfectly focused—ad for Kardashian Kollection eyewear. As for the clothes in the spot—including Khloé Kardashian Odom’s bodycon dress and Kourtney Kardashian’s blazer—the outfits are all part of the sisters’ new lace line. Like the glasses, all the pieces will be available at Sears. “Love this pic of me and my sisters in our new lace line for our Kardashian Kollection for Sears and our glasses for Sears Optical!” Kim posted in celebration. “I hope you guys like the new pieces. Lace is so feminine and pretty and it’s always in style! Xo”
What are the odds that Kim Kardashian doesn’t even know what eyeglasses are? Because I’m having a really hard time accepting the idea that Kim knows what anything she puts out is. “Eyeglasses? Yeah sure, just tell me where to sign so that people will pay attention to me.”
Kris Jenner sold Kim Kardashian’s sex tape herself?
At this point, if you told me that Kris Jenner sometimes drinks the tears of her daughter because it gets rid of crows feet, I would probably just say shrug my shoulders and go “well d’uh.” Because Kris is awful and that’s really her one and only marketable skill. Seriously, I always kind of figured that Kris was an awful enough mother that she probably organized Kim Kardashian’s sex tape all on her own, and according to an anonymous source, I was completely right all along. RadarOnline reports …
“Kris was totally involved in arranging the sale of Kim’s tape,” the source told Star magazine of Kim’s on-camera tryst with then-boyfriend Ray J. “The video already existed, and Kris was there every step of the way as a middleman brought in to market it to an adult entertainment company.” The title of the adult flick released from Vivid Entertainment was Kim Kardashian, Superstar, which the source said had Kris over the moon. “That must have thrilled Kris since you could hardly call Kim a household name at that point in time,” the insider said. Despite denials that Kris had anything to do with the release of Kim’s sex tape, and Khloé Kardashian calling the idea “disgusting and disturbing,” the source passed a polygraph test with Star magazine. “I saw Kris Jenner’s signature on the contract; I believe she got somewhere between $250,000 and $500,000 for the original deal with the middleman,” the source said.
Lest you think that Kris is just a sleazy opportunist, she’s also allegedly a terrible mother to boot!
As RadarOnline was first to report, the Kardashian’s former nanny Pam Behan said, “I believe [Kris] was grooming her children for their current celebrity status their entire lives … I do believe that the success they enjoy now is what she always hoped for and wanted for them and for herself.” Meanwhile, Kris’ never-ending drive for fame and wealth are coming at a great cost, the insider said. “Everything she does in this world, every decision she makes on her daughters’ behalf, is based on greed and publicity,” the source said. “And has nothing to do with her family’s stability or happiness.”
So all this to say, Kris is an opportunistic famewhore perfectly content with sacrificing her daughters’ happiness if it means people will know who she is. To which I say: yeah, we kind of already knew that. What, did you think Kris was famous because she was talented or had a likable personality? Nooooooooooope. Rampant famewhoring of her daughters, that’s what did the trick.
Kanye West wrote a song for Kim Kardashian
When I first read the title of this one, originally I thought that Kanye West was actively trying to help Kim Kardashian launch her music career — Hey, wasn’t she supposed to have a music video or something? Whatever happened to that? Oh, it failed miserably because she has no talent so it never actually got off the ground? Yeah, I can see that. Well, it turns out, Kanye only wrote a song for himself about how happy he is to have Kim as his trophy girlfriend, and in case you ever doubted it was true love, the title of this song? “Perfect Bitch.” Truly this is a love for the
publicity ages. NY Daily News reports …
But the standout track of the night, according to our insider at the club and a source close to the mercurial rapper, was a song that included the chorus “My perfect bitch.” Our second source says the song is about his current and former girlfriend. “(He raps) verses about his search for the perfect woman and how he has now found the “perfect bitch,’ ” says the insider, adding that there are a number of descriptions in the song that reflect the looks of the curvalicious Kardashian and Rose. “The crowd was on their feet,” says the first source. Our second source says the song, which West has tentatively titled “My Perfect Bitch” due to the repetitive chorus, uses the same melody from the 1937 composition “Carmina Burana,” a cantata by German composer Carl Orff.
So, just pointing this out here, but Kanye’s idea of a perfect woman is one whose had fat injected into her ass, face, and skull, has no viable career opportunities, has a history of being ruthlessly manipulative for the sake of attention from other people, has no problem faking love for the sake of press, and whose sole achievement in life was lampooning a poorly staged sex tape and rich parents into an inexplicable job? Because I’m just saying, a blow-up sex doll that says “NOTICE ME! NOTICE ME!” when you yank the pull-string in her back will do the exact same thing for a fraction of the price!