As if it wasn’t enough that Kristen Stewart cheated on Robert Pattinson with that married with children dude who directed Snow White and the Huntsman, now she’s apparently stealing roles from other women too! Jennifer Lawrence, whose acting skills actually extend beyond biting lips, wanted the lead role in Lie Down In Darkness bad enough to write the director asking for the role. But instead, the role is going to Kristen, even though it doesn’t really have anything to do with her cheating scandal, we should all be angry about this just because the web told us to be. From HuffPo …
Kristen Stewart enraged some Twi-hards when she admitted to having an affair with Snow White and the Huntsman director Rupert Sanders (“You were stupid enough to get photographed doing it!” said one irate fan), and now she might have Hunger Games devotees sharpening their pitchforks as well. According to Vulture, Stewart has landed the lead role in Lie Down in Darkness, Scott Cooper’s adaptation of William Styron’s 1951 novel. The problem? Hunger Games star Jennifer Lawrence wanted the same part so much that she tried to write Cooper (Crazy Heart) on her own behalf.
“I am obsessed with that part,” Lawrence told W magazine. “I have this feeling of protectiveness over characters I want to play. I worry about them — if someone else gets the part, I’m afraid they won’t do it right; they’ll make the character a victim or they’ll make her a villain or they’ll just get it wrong somehow. I’m trying to write the director to convince him that I should be in his movie. I’ll chase him if I have to. I’ll sit outside his house.”
Granted, even though Jennifer is a far better actress (she was an Oscar nominee for Winter’s Bone) than Kristen and would probably have done a way better job, she never had the role to begin with, so it’s not like Kristen “stole” the role from her. That being said, at this point, it’s fair to assume that pretty much any other actress can pull off a better performance than Kristen’s monotone dribble method, so let’s see just how far her career goes after the whole Twilight saga comes to an end.
If you haven’t already nailed down Lindsay Lohan’s cycle of screwing up, you’re kind of lost here. But for the sake of clarity, here it is again in all its glory: Lindsay screws up, Lindsay denies screwing up, evidence shows Lindsay did screw up, Lindsay is let off the hook, Lindsay gets work, Lindsay believes she controls Hollywood, Lindsay screws up. Lather, rinse, repeat. So right now we’re on that penultimate stage, as LiLo has convinced herself she should star alongside Jennifer Lawrence.
And while Jennifer is out looking for some Nightlock berries to eat before this becomes her grim reality, and here’s one of the The Canyons’ producers, Paul Shrader, describing how Lindsay is every classic Hollywood actress rolled into one, from the movie’s Facebook page:
LINDSAY. Seven days in, first full week completed. Lindsay Lohan is a huge fan of Hollywood glamour and performances from the Golden Era. Working with her every day on varied scenes I’ve been making a mental checklist of classic movie performances she’s touched upon. There’s has been a lot of Ann Margaret, some Gena Rowlands and Faye Dunaway and of course some bits of Liz Taylor and Monroe as well as a little Rita Hayworth and even Gene Tierney (although the last may be more my creation than hers). Oh yeah, and Angie Dickinson. And Lee Remick. And Shelley Winters.
Yup, that just happened. Well, this has all been sufficiently weird. I’ll catch all of you here at the same bat time, same bat channel when Lindsay screws up again.
We already know that Jennifer Lawrence is hilarious, likes playing with bows and arrows, and will launch into a really long discussion about the zombie apocalypse when first meeting her co-stars. Which is all to say, I would go lez-bionic with her in a heartbeat. No joke. I would U-Haul that so hard. Anyway, this morning a young girl passed out drunk in front of her building, and she was kind enough to stay by her and make sure the kid was okay until paramedics gave her the okay. From TMZ:
The Santa Monica Police Department tells TMZ … Lawrence was out walking her dog … when she noticed a random girl laid out on her back. As Jennifer rushed to assist the young woman, someone in the area called 911 … and paramedics raced to the scene. Cops tell us … “The young lady who collapsed was a juvenile and was part of a group that was together.” It’s unclear why the young woman was in front of Jennifer’s home … but cops say, “Alcohol may have played a role in the incident.” We’re told paramedics didn’t feel the girl needed to be transported to a hospital — instead, she was treated on the scene and cleared to leave.
Normally, most of the people we write about are downright terrible and shitty. This is not one of those times. Jennifer is better than all of us, and I am okay with that.
To be honest, I have no idea what the hell is going on with the El Hormiguero show, but it has puppets, so just go with it. Jennifer Lawrence was on the show to promote The Hunger Games, and while there, was asked to show off her archery skills. Turns out, she’s not all that great, but she’s cute enough that I don’t really care. Although it does worry me that the host is apparently a helluva shot with a bow and arrow. I guess what I’m trying to say is do not piss off a Spanish television host, or you will be murdered.
For some reason, the sight of Jennifer Lawrence looking not like a starving refugee apparently infuriated critics of The Hunger Games to the point where they felt the need to go onto the web and post shit like “JENNIFER LAWRENCE IS TOO FAT!” Because calling someone fat on the web is a fresh, new form of journalism never before seen. Anyway, Jennifer has responded to the criticism, basically saying that she’s normal and the movie made a ton at the box office so eat a deep-fried dick. Via Chicago Suntimes:
“Jennifer told me, ‘This is hilarious. First, people say how so many actresses in Hollywood look anorexic, and now they are criticizing me for looking normal,’ ” the source recalled. The actress reportedly added that overly thin body images “are too often adopted by young girls and women — thanks to what they are constantly being shown as being attractive.”
Another point supposedly made by Lawrence was that nothing was written about her two main co-stars — Josh Hutcherson and Liam Hemsworth — who both also play residents of the film’s fictional District 12, where people are constantly facing starving conditions.
This might just be me, but when I read the book, I really only picked up on a handful of “skinny” references to Katniss, which is probably for the best because someone with the constitution of a toothpick probably wouldn’t be able to outlive 24 other people who all want her dead. If you want to watch an impossibly thin woman do things that would, in a sane universe, snap her in half, watch Angelina Jolie in Salt.
In case you were wondering how realistic The Hunger Games movie is, consider the fact that Jennifer Lawrence gave her co-star, Josh Hutcherson, a concussion during her performance. Via Page Six:
“We were just goofing around, and like doing some shadow boxing for fun,” Hutcherson said on the Late Show with David Letterman Wednesday. “She throws this beautiful kick, but it landed right on my temple and literally knocked me to the ground. I was down. I was seeing stars and she was freaking out, crying.” While Hutcherson, the ex of Vanessa Hudgens, was embarrassed, he didn’t realize that the injury was serious. “I didn’t want to make a big deal about it,” Hutcherson explained. “But the next day somebody asked me for my address and I started telling them my address from when I was nine years old. That’s when I was like, ‘This is not right.’ Jennifer felt terrible about it, but it was kind of hilarious.”
For the record, I’ve never read The Hunger Games. I know nothing about the series whatsoever. I’m gonna read it, I swear, but in case your looking for some joke about Katniss or Peeta or whoever’s in the book … sorry, not gonna find it here.