Normally, I wouldn’t call someone wanting to punch famewhore Kim Kardashian in the mouth “news” so much as I would call it “a reasonable response to seeing a talentless, unpleasant person become rich and famous for simply being a talentless, unpleasant person”. That being said, most of the time the people who publicly state the above aren’t MMA champions, like Ronda Rousey, which is why this video of her saying that she would gladly beat the ever loving crap out of Kim for being a waste of carbon-based sentient matter makes me all kinds of happy.
Yesterday, Drake’s and Chris Brown’s crews allegedly got into a little bitty scuffle that ended with Chris getting a cut on his face, and apparently nobody saw the irony in this. Anyway, now there are reports that Chris’s crew may or may not have been throwing gang signs, which is probably really bad for his probation. From TMZ:
Eyewitnesses say … Chris had been hanging out at his own VIP table with a posse of 16 other guys … one of whom was a man with dreadlocks who was throwing gang signs and screaming at Drake’s table. Witnesses say this man was the primary instigator in the brawl that would follow. Among the verbal taunts, we’re told the man yelled out, “Somebody’s gonna die.” We’re told the man also directed some of his anger at Drake’s friend Meek Mill — saying, “F**k you, we’re gonna kill you n*gga.” As the man continued to spit venom, witnesses say Chris stood up and embraced him … as if to say, “This is my guy.” Law enforcement sources tell TMZ … it’s possible the threats were captured on tape. Here’s the rub — Brown’s friend was acting as if he was associated with a gang …. which is significant because Chris is not allowed to associate with gang members as part of his probation in the Rihanna beating case.
Yeah, Chris Brown hanging around with violent people? Nooooooo, never. Although if he needs a solid defense in court, the fact that he immediately snitched to the cops should probably cover his ass.
We’re told Chris’ lawyer, Mark Geragos, went to the NYPD late Thursday to present evidence showing that Drake and Meek Mill were the aggressors, but earlier in the day Chris spoke with Detectives at an undisclosed location in NYC. Cops tell us Chris is not currently a suspect but rather “a witness and a victim.” We’re also told Drake is not currently a suspect. On the other side, we’re told Drake has been “cooperating” with authorities, but we do not know if he has spoken to cops — it appears his representatives have had conversations with detectives. Sources tell us … the bad guy here may be someone in Chris’ camp, who was inciting Drake and his people all night.
“Your honor, I would like this trial to be dismissed, on account of my client being a whiny man-child co-opting gangster culture and beating women for the sake of making himself seem tougher, but who when faced with someone stronger than him, turns into a little pussy and snitches to the cops.” - Literally the most iron-clad defense ever.
Chris Brown sustained a nasty gash on his chin — apparently a wound from a bottle attack — after his entourage allegedly clashed with Drake’s crew in a NYC nightclub brawl. TMZ has confirmed with the NYPD that the two singers’ crews got into a fight at WIP nightclub — 5 people were injured in the melee. NYPD arrived on the scene after receiving a call between 4 and 5am. Chris and Drake were not present when cops arrived. SOURCE
Let’s say hypothetically, you’re Joe Francis. Many people have alleged that you are misogynistic and abusive to woman, and others have allegedly seen you physically attack women. What’s the best way to change people’s opinions about you? Do not say get into a physical altercation with a woman after she accidentally ran into your door after you opened it into traffic. Complete opposite of what you should be doing. TMZ reports:
The Girls Gone Wild creator was driving his Bentley on Rodeo Drive when his car collided with a female driver. We’re told the two began arguing over who was at fault. Francis tells TMZ … the woman grabbed his cell phone as he attempted to snap photos, and cops say at that point the two engaged in mutual combat. Cops say both suffered minor injuries. Francis says his finger was cut when the woman tried to grab the phone. Law enforcement sources tell TMZ, the accident occurred as a result of Joe opening his Bentley door into traffic. The other driver then crashed into it.
Look, I know the woman isn’t exactly free of guilt here in this scenario, but I really don’t think an appropriate response to a woman grabbing your cell phone is to go Rock ‘Em Sock ‘Em Robots on the poor girl. She probably should not have reached for his cell phone, but I think “getting physical with a woman” might be a tiny bit worse than someone grabbing your phone.
Remember a couple days ago, someone opened a can of 100% pure Canadian maple whoop-ass on Shia LaBeouf up in Vancouver because he was being a drunken prick? You know, as opposed to his modus operandi, which is just being a regular prick? You might remember Shea Carter, the guy who helped Shia up and told him to lay low in order to stay out of trouble, guess how Shia thanked him? If you answered “by threatening to murder him with a knife” then CONGRATS! You think like a serial killer. TMZ reports:
TMZ spoke with Shea Carter … the man who restrained Shia after the fight … who tells us he noticed the actor inside the Cinema Public House bar BEFORE the melee. Carter says LaBeouf had been drunkenly swaying into several patrons … including one man who calmly warned Shia, “Hey man, watch out.”
Carter says Shia replied, “Oh yea? Or what? What are you going to do about it?” That’s when the two decided to take things outside … and the guy beat Shia down to the ground. Afterward, Carter — a local hip hop artist and bar regular — tried to stop Shia from getting back inside, but LaBeouf got aggressive, spouting, “Well what if I grabbed my knife on you?”
Carter says he quickly grabbed Shia in an effort to protect himself in case the knife threat was serious. Carter says the actor eventually walked away … so he went back inside the bar. But moments later, Carter says, Shia appeared outside a window and made a throat-slashing gesture at him … before leaving for the night.
I know this may seem shocking to some of you, but you have to remember: Shia grew up on the set of Disney Channel’s Even Stevens, and judging by Demi Lovato, the first think Mickey teaches you is how to quietly dispose of snitches with knives. “Ha ha! Drag them out into a dark alley! Ha ha! Put your hand over his mouth and stab him between the shoulder blades, twisting the knife until he goes limp! Ha ha! Then put your mouth over his and suck out his last breath! Ha ha!” Man that was dark.
So Shia LaBeouf was up here in Canada (specifically, Vancouver) filming what I’m just going to go ahead and assume will be an awful movie because let’s face it, all of his movies are awful, when he decided he was going to go ahead and get drunk on our superior Canadian beer. Sorry Americans, but we have more alcohol in our beer. We win this battle. Anyway, Shia got shitty drunk, got into a fight with someone, and then got knocked the hell out in front of everyone. Via TMZ:
Shia LaBeouf was repeatedly PUNCHED IN THE HEAD by a shirtless, hairy-bellied man on a Vancouver sidewalk last week — and TMZ has obtained footage of the brutal ass whooping. It’s unclear exactly what provoked the attack — but we’re told Shia originally got into it with the man inside a bar called Cinema Public House … and after security kicked them both out, the man tore off his shirt and unleashed the fury all over Shia’s face.
Part of me wants to feel bad for Shia, but at the same time, all the other parts were forced to watch Shia go “NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO!” for three goddamn Transformers movies along with my family. Plus, there’s also the matter of Shia having a long history of losing his temper and getting into physical fights for absolutely no reason whatsoever, so maybe next time you’ll be a little more careful about getting into a fist fight in Canada. Just because we’re annoyingly polite, doesn’t mean we’re complete pussies.