Posts tagged "Comedy Central"

No More Streaming: Daily Show / Colbert Report

Yesterday, we saw some of the aftermath from the clusterfuck that was DirecTV dropping all of Viacom’s channels, thus incurring the wrath of RuPaul. What you probably didn’t know is that not only does this mean you won’t be seeing any more of The Daily Show or The Colbert Report on Comedy Central, but that you won’t be able to stream the shows for a while as an added “F U” to DirecTV. Sorry, socially conscious twenty-somethings: looks like you’re going to have to find some other show to watch while you have sex with your partner. Via HuffPo:

DirecTV has noted to customers that although they are losing Comedy Central on DirecTV, anyone can easily watch popular shows like The Daily Show and The Colbert Report on the Internet, where videos found on official Comedy Central websites are embeddable so they can be played on other sites. But Viacom continued to play hardball. As of Thursday, full episodes of the shows have been removed from the official Daily Show and Colbert Report websites, although individual clips of the episodes are still available. The move is likely to upset viewers who do not subscribe to DirecTV, but who will still be unable to watch full episodes of their favorite shows due to the two corporations’ feud. Presumably, the suspension will not be permanent, and episodes will resume streaming online when DirecTV and Viacom reach an agreement to reinstate Viacom programming.

Wait, so DirecTV made some assy little comment, and now the rest of us — even the people who don’t subscribe to it — have to go without our precious Jon Stewart? And also Stephen Colbert? This is crap! Now how am I supposed to get my news without subjecting myself to … glurg, actual news channels? Oh, wait, that’s right! Internet!

Stephen Colbert and Jon Stewart

Amy Schumer, Anthony Jeselnik and Ben Hoffman all got shows!

Apparently, making jokes about how many STDs Charlie Sheen has does wonders for your career (unless you’re a blogger, in which case you get nothing. Curse you, gods of fortune!) as both Amy Schumer and Anthony Jeselnik are getting shows on Comedy Central, along with Ben Hoffman. Via EW:

See, pitching in on those awkward Comedy Central celebrity roasts does help your career. Comedians Amy Schumer, Anthony Jeselnik and Ben Hoffman have all landed series on the cable network that will debut next year. Details about the shows are pretty scarce. Jeselnik will star in an untitled weekly topical series. Schumer will star in an untitled sketch series that will feature “single-camera vignettes centered around a theme with Schumer playing heightened versions of herself.” Hoffman’s project has the most detail. His The Ben Show is a sketch/man-on-the-street hybrid where each week he’ll take “the viewers on a different life journey, which could include him forming a band, finding religion, auditioning for a reality show or trying out volunteer work.”

In all seriousness though, Amy is easily one my favorite comedians, so the fact that she’s getting her own show. And Anthony and Ben are both talented comedians and incredible writers, so that’s good too. I’d rather people who actually have comedy backgrounds actually get comedy shows, so this is actually good news for everyone!

Amy Schumer, Anthony Jeselnik and Ben Hoffman

Futurama’s live action opening sequence!

Since tonight is the blessed return of Futurama, the single smartest cartoon ever, Comedy Central decided to commission a bunch of artists to put together a handmade papercraft live action version of the opening sequence, and it’s like the coolest thing ever. Although to be fair, when your staff creates an incredibly complex mathematical formula for the sake of resolving an episode, I guess gluing together cardboard in an intricate display of art is kind of a step down. (H/T Vulture)

Futurama

Charlie Sheen got roasted!

Despite the fact that the Charlie Sheen bandwagon has more or less broken down, spontaneously combusted, had its fire pissed out, and was sold to a scrap metal factory for two buttons and some lint, Comedy Central figured that now was the opportune time to host a roast of Charlie, I’m guessing so that we can all finally hear the five jokes that haven’t been run into the ground about a violent, abusive, drug-addicted nutjob. Below, a few of said jokes gleaned from Access Hollywood:

The 46-year-old actor is the subject of the latest roast, which was taped Saturday night at Sony Studios and will air Sept. 19th on Comedy Central.

“Charlie’s meltdown was so bad, Al Gore’s making a documentary about it,” quipped comedian Jeffrey Ross, who was dressed as Muammar Gaddafi in a military outfit with fringed epaulets and a sash.

“The only time your kids get to see you is in re-runs,” Ross said.

Comedian Jon Lovitz also took a timely swipe at Sheen: “How much (cocaine) can Charlie Sheen do?” he asked. “Enough to kill two and a half men.”

Priceline pitchman Shatner reminded Sheen to “book your next rehab stay through Priceline.com.”

Walsh, who is best known for her roles on Grey’s Anatomy and Private Practice, gave standup a shot at the roast. “It’s amazing, despite all those years of abusing your lungs, your kidneys and your liver, the only thing you’ve had removed is your kids,” she said to Sheen.

Anyway, there were a shitload more terrible jokes that I didn’t bother including here, mostly because they all came out of Mike Tyson's battered face-hole. Oh, and Steve-O broke his own nose by running into Mike Tyson’s fist again and again because Steve-O realized long ago that he’s basically society’s five-dollar hooker and the only thing he’s ever really been good at is absorbing pain. So all in all, ‘twas a classy, sophisticated affair. The kind with monocles and eight-balls I meant HIGH-balls all around.

Charlie Sheen

Brooke Mueller does not understand comedy!

Just days after the final, remaining joke about Charlie Sheen had been made, Comedy Central decided to roast him which is sort of like jumping on the bandwagon after the band has already died from drug overdoses and auto-erotic asphyxiation. Anyway, Brooke Mueller has decided to get in on this by declaring that they can make fun of everyone but her, because as we all know, that’s how comedy works.

Sources close to Mueller tell TMZ … she wants her name “completely off-limits” when The Warlock is roasted in L.A. on September 10. And Brooke may have the law on her side. In her divorce settlement, Charlie promises not to ever publicly discuss her drug use, and people in Brooke’s camp are telling us, “He better not go there.” We’re told Brooke’s people are seriously considering sending Comedy Central a letter, demanding it not broadcast any anti-Mueller jabs. SOURCE

Fucking seriously bitch? They’re jokes. What the fuck do you care if people make jokes about you? The point is that they’re not real. They’re fake. They’re exaggerations. They’re parody and satire protected by the first amendment, and at this point, the world already knows that you’re a gigantic drug addict because you admitted to it on reality TV. Multiple times. It’s not like you have much of a reputation to tarnish at this point, so just let them make jokes about you in the context of Lisa Lampanelli's vagina.

Brooke Mueller and Charlie Sheen

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